


Cabbage Head Boyfriend

by MyPretzels



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 3.19, Episode: s03e19 Failed Experiments, Funny, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Pre-Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Sci-Ops Era (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 11:59:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6753004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyPretzels/pseuds/MyPretzels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here’s a ficlet about Jemma’s ex boyfriend <strike>CabbageHead</strike> Milton and Fitz thoughts toward her dating choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cabbage Head Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> I could'nt help myself. I had to write it.  
> I posted it on tumblr just after episode 3.19 Failed Experiments

He was sitting on the floor of the living room, working in the stereo, trying to adjust the settings so it’d be possible to turn it by the touch panel Fitz installed at the wall of their living room. Jemma was reluctant at first in having a ‘smart’ house, with all the systems being connected and the possibility of controlling their electronics by a tablet or the panel near the lights switch. But eventually she accepted it.

 

_Heels._ He heard heels in the hallway outside the apartment.

That was not a good sign.

_“Don’t be another jackass date, Simmons”_. He complained to himself and heard laughter. _“Oh bullocks”_. He sighed loud and started picking up his tools on the floor, he was about to sneak out back to his room when Simmons crossed the door shadowed by a tall guy.

_“Oh, good. You’re home”_. Simmons smiled big and he felt the chills growing on his spine, Fitz took a look at the guy behind her, holding takeout packages. He had a big round head that was really bothering to look at.

_“Don’t worry, I’m heading back to my room”_. Fitz said in a more serious tone and nodded to the unnamed boyfriend.

_“There’s no need for that, Fitz. Have dinner with us, we got takeout”_. She negotiated and he pondered for a second and raised his eyebrows to her. _“Oh, right, where are my manners?”_ She laughed to herself and Fitz almost rolled his eyes. _“This is Milton”_. She pointed to the guy and Fitz had to put his tools back on the couch to shake his hand. _“And this is Fitz”_.

_“Nice to meet ya”._ Fitz said and ignored whatever Milton said because he noticed again how round his head was, he looked like a freaking cookie by front, but his head was shaped like a damn cabbage.  He’d have nightmares about that later, he knew that.

_“Why don’t you put your tools back in your room and we set the table, hm?”_ Simmons nodded her head to Fitz and he raised his eyebrows to her.

Silently saying **‘ _Come on, Simmons, you can do better’_.**

But he simply nodded and turned to walk out the living room, still able to heard their short talk.

_“You didn’t say you lived with a man”._ Cabbage head said with a goofy voice.

_“I told you I had a roommate”_. Jemma argued and Fitz rolled his eyes to the tone she used, it seemed she was talking to a kid. _“Fitz is my best friend”._

_“When you said best friend, I actually thought it was a girl”._ Cabbage head said back and Fitz made his way back to his room not wanting to hear the rest of it.

Fitz stayed in his room for longer that he should, but he wasn’t happy on coming back to Simmons and her Cabbage head tall boyfriend. He was seriously thinking about playing sick and going right to bed, but he knew Simmons too well to know that she would drag him out his room to be polite to her new boyfriend.

He took a deep breath before heading back to the living room, he heard the laughter and almost made his way back to his room, but Simmons walked back and spied on the hallway and he lost his opportunity to run away.

_“Come on Fitz”_. She waved with a big smile on her face and he sighed before joining them.

_“Do you want some wine?”_. Cabbage head asked and Fitz nod negativetely.

**_‘Who the hell drinks wine with Chinese food?’_** He thought.

_“Thanks, I got to work on the stereo yet”_. He mumbled the first thing in his head and he saw Jemma passing behind Milton to pick something in the kitchen, she frowned to him and gave some looks that Fitz knew that meant she wanted him to behavior nicely. _“So how did you meet?”_ Fitz asked a second after and saw Simmons smiling a bit to him.

_“I delivered some bio material to her lab station a few times and a couple weeks ago I asked her out”_. Milton said with a goofy voice and Fitz almost laughed at his face.

So he was the guy Simmons was _not_ talking about after their dates, she got back late a few nights and didn’t answer when he asked who was she seeing in the next morning at breakfast.

**_‘Gosh, Simmons, you have low standards now?_ ’ **He wanted to say to her, and by the look on her face when he twisted his lips to her, she read it in his face.

“ _That sounds nice”_. He lied and sat away from both of them at the round table in their living room.

“ _What do you work **wiff**_?” Milton asked and Simmons, with the best timing ever, opened a long neck beer and handed it to Fitz before he could even think of anything sassy to respond, she gave him a harsh look that said **‘ _Be nicer’_**.

_“Fitz’s more the beer type”_. Simmons interrupted before he could respond.

_“I’m an engineer”._ He answered instead and got the box of Chinese food that Simmons slid in his direction. _“Oh, nice, Kung Pao Chicken”_. He said as he transferred the content to his plate, but she cleared her throat loud and he looked back up. _“And you?”_

_“I’m an agronomist”._ ** _How boring_.** Fitz thought, he was aware that Simmons could read it in his expression.

_“Nice”_. Fitz said and glanced at Simmons, he could read in her face _ **‘It’s not that bad’**._ But he simply nod **‘** _ **Yes, it is’**_ **.**

After their little eye argument, Jemma took head of the talking, mumbling on and on about things Fitz already knew and whenever she asked for Cabbage head’s opinion, he’s simply nod his head to her in agreement. After the first half hour, Fitz was convinced his head was too heavy for his body so he only could nod it up and down, like a bobble head dog.

When the couple in front of him started to be quieter, Fitz knew this was his queue to head back to his room and put his headphones on and work on any project he could find. He grabbed his plate and almost felt annoyed that Simmons didn’t even look at him.

_**‘She’s looking at his fat head, for sure. I bet she can’t frame anything besides that, it’s just too big’**. _ He thought to himself and put the dishes at the sink.

_“You wash the dishes this time”._ Fitz said to Simmons passing by them without looking in their direction, walking straight back to his room.

For the sake of his mind, he at least knew it wouldn’t take long to Simmons to break up with Cabbage head, the guy was way too boring for her to keep interested in him for more than a week or two.

_“An agronomist, Simmons. Where did you even find these weirdos?”_ Fitz complained to no one in particular as he grabbed a headphone to start working on something that would distract him of the weirdness going on at the living room.


End file.
